ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
