I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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