I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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