That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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