he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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