tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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