i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
