fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
