These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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