I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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