In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
