I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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