I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
True strength comes from lack of pants
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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