yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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