i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
