this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
