Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
