"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drunk is not a location!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
