I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize