whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
