lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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