how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
