Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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