I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
