somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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