she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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