I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize