pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
