It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Text me some of your sweat
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