my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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