She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
