11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My liver just broke up with me...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
