why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
