Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
