I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
