O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
