So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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