My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She needs sedatives and a leash
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
