okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
