She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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