Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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