were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
