i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
be right there i have to get my cape
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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