i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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