I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
