I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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