i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize