I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
