She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
