i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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