Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
