So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
