I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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