I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
