Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
