Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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