And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I came so hard my ears popped.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
