and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
