as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
