This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
