There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
