I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
