Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
