im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
