yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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