I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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