I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
