You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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