Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
