So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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