i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
