Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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