I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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