omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
