my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize