i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
