I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
