Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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