I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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