yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
