i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
