This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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