They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
