He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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