If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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