Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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