I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize