You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
