I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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