Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
