Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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