It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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