god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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