Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
