his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
