If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What drink are we having for lunch?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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