She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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