it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
