Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
