im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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