Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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