I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
