Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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