Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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