You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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