Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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