You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
