Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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