Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
