Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
