There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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